Newsflash: Blond Haired Blue-Eyed Nun Discovered To Be Al Queda MastermindNewsflash: Khalidess Shaikh O'Mohammed, blond haired blue-eyed nun from Dublin, and Al Queda mastermind, captured in CIA raid.Exclusive by G. Chaney, Politcally Correct News Service ISLAMABAD, Pakistan (March 2) - U.S. authorities have taken the suspected mastermind of the 9/11 attacks out of Pakistan. In an early morning raid, Khalidess Shaikh O'Mohammed, a blond haired blue-eyed nun from Dublin, was captured and taken into custody by the CIA. Bush publicly rejoiced over the news, and other government officials have injured themselves while tripping over each other trying to add superlatives to the news... Ari Fleischer, (not related to Heidi Fleiss, famous hollywood personal services broker), at a rare loss for words merely said he was having a hard time coming up with a way to overestimate the importance of this catch. A spokesman for the Catholic Church, when asked for comment, merely pointed out that the Catholic Religion has always been a religion of peace. Reports are that they're keeping this nun in a safe undisclosed place far away from the reach of liberal ACLU lawyers. Reports are that she was allowed one call to the pope, but she declined, prefering to wait for the chance to speak with a liberal lawyer.... A lawyer for the families of the dead 9/11 pilots who were at the controls when the unfortunate building collissions occurred, promised to file suit in federal court to obtain contact with with the nun. This same lawyer is representing the families in a suit against Boeing over the possibility of defective control linkages having caused the accidental collision of the air craft with several buildings on 9/11. An altar boy guarding the residence during the raid was beaten up, but is said to be recovering. Evangelical Protetestants are upset at the prospects of a New York priest who tipped off the CIA receiving the $25 million dollar reward money from the FBI.... Priest has cloistered himself, and is said to be negotiating with God over the release from his vows.... Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson held a joint news conference this morning to claim that the nun's ancestors came to America and were slave holders. They concluded that they should receive the $25 million, plus an additional $25 million penalty from the Catholic Church, as reparations for the damages they suffered during slavery over 100 years before they were born. During questions afterwards, they offered that if they receive the reward money, they will contribute ten percent of the reward to Johnny "O.J." Cocorran to help defend the nun. "Now that she's experienced the kind of bondage that our people have suffered under, we feel helping with her defense is a just a small token for us to offer to Johnny." The nun is said to have relatives and former room mates who have been involved in unfortunate accidents with unsafe chemicals. Government sources reitereated their previous warnings to landlords about the possibilities of their tenants possessing unsafe amounts of dangerous chemicals in their apartments. --- PLEASE NOTE: Races and religions have been changed to protect the innocent from discrimination or other unjust racial profiling, and also to remind everyone that anyone could be a terrorist. Please be aware that the government is sure another terrorist act could occur at any time, anywhere, and if only you would be more suspicious of all your neighbors, you could probably prevent it by regularly reporting your neighbors to the Office of Homeland Security. Visit Ridgey's "Take a bite out of privacy" website for more ideas about how you can prevent terrorism through suspicion. | 