Welfare Workers To Offer Seasonal Guides To Free Diet SupplementationPoor People To Be Encouraged To Eat Locusts With HoneyGathering of cicadas for food by the indigent could blunt the harmful affects of the emergence of Cicada Brood XSubjects > News > Unconfirmed News Rumors June 4, 2004
By Garnet R. Chaney, Staff Correspondent Amid the emergence of the 17 year cicada brood known as "Brood X" in states such as Indiana and Maryland, unconfirmed reports continue to come in regarding welfare offices who have been considering making arrangements to distribute Jenna Jadin's book "Cicada-Licious: Cooking and Enjoying Periodical Cicada", a book about how to eat cicadas, to poor people as a seasonal guide to meal supplementation. Jadin, a graduate student, was unavailable for comment on this article because of final exams. Most welfare workers have refused requests for interviews. One welfare office worker, speaking strictly off the record, claimed to not be aware of any such program, but said she would not be surprised if such a pamphlet were distributed as part of a cultural diversity campaign. She mentioned having attended a mandatory cultural awareness workshop where comments by biologist Gene Kirtsky were mentioned. He has said that eating insects for food is common throughout the world and dates back thousands of years. "For example, in parts of Africa, scarab beetles are considered a delicacy." Another social worker mentioned that her Iroquois Indian clients eagerly await the return of Cicada's, long considered a delicacy. The welfare worker declined to comment directly on whether the United States cultural aversion to eating bugs was merely another form of white racist superiority, instead noting that all people can benefit from increasing their cultural sensitivity by sampling foods of other cultures. While neither confirming or denying having sampled insects, the anonymous worker did admit to recently eating unleavened bread and matzo balls during the workshop. "I'm on one of those low carbohydrate diets now, so I am kind of restricted in what other foods I can try at the moment. Didn't you know that Ethiopian Cuisine has always featured mostly high protein and low carbohydrate foods?" she added. Another social worker confided that the Biblical references to eating of locust have made some welfare directors unsure about recommending this diet. "While it is true that the Israelites were allowed to eat locust, and it is certainly a middle eastern delicacy, we're afraid that any welfare worker mentioning the Biblical reference to John the Baptist eating locusts with honey could set us up for an expensive lawsuit by the ACLU," explained one government worker. Another unionized government worker thought that this program to promote cicadas as a kind of "Poor Man's Lobster", was yet another attempt by the Bush-Cheney administration to reduce funding for poor the poor and elderly, in order to divert more funds to their Iraq warfare election campaign. "Our poor should not have to starve while Bush spends billions feeding the troops in Iraq. If Al Gore had won the election, he would have sent much less expensive peace negotiators to the Middle East, experts like what Bill Clinton sent to there, such as Madeline Albright. The military would not need budget increases, and the poor would have more money from increased government entitlements to afford better food. It's travesty that Bush is making war on poor Iraqi's, while are poor are reduced to gathering seasonal insects from orchards owned by evil conservatives. I'm sure John Kerry would not allow the nation's needy to have to stoop to waiting for the next emergence of cicadas in order to get variety in their diet." Both presidential election campaigns declined comment on this story, fearing that a mis-statemwent could turn into Cicada-gate. However, we've began receiving mysterious faxes from untraceable phone numbers blaiming each party for this debacle. Back to Unconfirmed News Rumors | 
