Chickens and Road Crossings
Letters From Readers
Chickens and Road Crossings
What's all this puang puang tong tong wisma gigi jalan stuff? How about
translating those sections? Or I'll start sending you proverbs and idioms
only Russians would understand. How about "Writing like a pitchfork on the
water" for something that has no permanence? I like that one......
- Garnet
-----Original Message-----
From: Christopher
Sent: Saturday, March 23, 2002 5:57 AM
To: Garnet Chaney
Subject: Why did the chicken cross the road?
QUESTION - Why did the chicken cross the road?
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER:
To get to the other side.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
RONALD REAGAN:
I forget.
ARTHUR ANDERSEN CONSULTANT:
Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant
market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create
and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market.
Andersen, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken
by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation
processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the
chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences
to align the chicken people, processes and technology in support of its
overall strategy within a Program Management framework.
RICHARD M. NIXON:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the
road.
COMPUTER PROGRAMMER:
In order for the chicken to cross the road safely they not only need one
driver to access the server farm if not they will hang in the middle of the
road.
JERRY SEINFELD:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask,
"What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place,
anyway?"
BILL GATES:
I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
checkbook. Of course, it will only work with Windows 2002.
SAMY VELLU
ayyooyoo...belakang cerita lain kali, kita sude bikin banyak jembatan, itu
ayam musti guna jembatan untu lintas itu jalan lagi pun kalu itu ayam mau
pigi jalan-jalan,beritau sama saya juga, saya bolley buat lebbey banyak
toll ........
NIK AZIZ
Saya tak tahu pun gapo-gapo ... Asalakan ayam itu tidak jadi barua.
KARAM SINGH WALIA:
Seperti yang saudara dapat lihat, kelihatan ayam-ayam itu sedang melintas
jalan, mereka bukan sahaja melintas jalan malah membuang najis di atas
jalan dan ini adalah pencemaran Yang paling hebat di maya pada ini.
Bapa-bapa dan ibu-ibu ayam haruslah mengambil inisiatif untuk melatih
ayam-ayam agar menahan najis sewaktu melintas jalan. Bak kata pepatah, Ayam
di jalan di lintaskan Ayam di reban mati tak makan
COLONEL SANDERS:
I missed one?
BILL CLINTON :
I've had so many chicks, I can't remember...
MAHATHIR:
You know, I am tired of all this...'apa-nama' chicken bisnes....the foreign
powers should stop intervening in our domestic affairs and just leave our
chickens alone..... if they want to...'apa nama' cross the road, they should
be allowed to cross the road... Malaysia is a democratic country,we let our
chickens do whatever they want to do.... as long as they don't threaten the
Malay unity and try to topple the government...and if they plan to do
so...we won't hesitate to use the ISA (Internal Security Act)...
ABDULLAH BADAWI:
Ini semua adalah khabar angin sahaja...jangan percaya khabar - khabar angin
ini semua...biasalah ini adalah taktik pembangkang untuk memecah belahkan
perpaduan ayam-ayam... jangan percaya... jangan percaya....
SINGAPORE'S MINISTRY OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS SPOKESMAN:
Chickens cross roads to ensure that other chickens do not intrude on their
common space, and to retain their common identity. If other chickens insist
on not crossing the road and decide instead to wear turbans we will allow
that because these chickens have been handed down by the British masters. In
Singapore, chickens are allowed to cross roads as long as they don't theaten
the Sembawang Naval Base or this popularly-elected government. We also have
the ISA (Internal Security Act). In addition, the chickens are only
exercising their legitimate rights, as both sides of the road are within the
territorial boundaries of Chickenland as espoused under United Nations
Charter. I hope the media won't be playing up old issues about chickens.
-----Original Message-----
From: Christopher
Sent: Tuesday, March 26, 2002 8:22 PM
Subject: RE: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Ha ha! I knew you were going to ask that! BTW, there are no such words as
"puang puang tong tong"!!!
Anyway, the joke will not come through even if I give a direct translation
of the Malay language into English. You have to understand something about
each individual, and how they speak in real life in order to capture the
essence of the joke. Let me try to explain.
a. SAMY VELLU
ayyooyoo...belakang cerita lain kali, kita sude bikin banyak
jembatan, itu
ayam musti guna jembatan untu lintas itu jalan lagi pun kalu itu ayam
mau
pigi jalan-jalan,beritau sama saya juga, saya bolley buat lebbey banyak
toll ........
SAMY VELLU is Malaysia's Minister of Transportation. He is
notorious for
building all the tolls throughout the country. There is no excape, every
Malaysian motorist will come across a toll in his daily commute no matter
where he or she is in the city. Samy is actually a Malaysian of
Indian
origin. So the joke here makes fun of his Indian accent, while trying
to
speak Malay. His command of the Malay language is somewhat poor.
"Ayyooyoo" is actually an Indian (Tamil) expression. It's more of
an
expression of horror. There is no equivalent in English, but the
closest
would be "Holy Cow" or "Gadzooks". OK, now for the translation;
"Holy Cow,...on the one hand we have one story, now another. We
have
already many bridges. Those chickens must use those bridges to
cross the
road. If those chickens want to cross elsewhere, let me know. I will build
more tolls..."
b. NIK AZIZ
Saya tak tahu pun gapo-gapo ... Asalakan ayam itu tidak jadi barua.
Nik Aziz is the spiritual leader of the opposition party PAS (the
Islamic
arty... a tropical version of the Taliban). He is also the Chief
Minister
of the state of Kelantan, one of two Malaysian states, ruled by PAS. The
Kelantanese people speak with a very different accent from the rest of
the
country. Some of the words they use are entirely different from
standard
Malay. I speak standard Malay, the form of Malay spoken in schools, spoken
on TV and is used by the Government and most of the population. I do
not
fully understand Kelantanese Malay, so I cannot translate Kelantanese
words
like "gapo-gapo", "Asalakan" and "barua". The gist of what I understand
is as follows;
"I don't know anything.. Originally the chickens were not...?"
Perhaps Sarah can give you a better translation.
c. KARAM SINGH WALIA:
Seperti yang saudara dapat lihat, kelihatan ayam-ayam itu sedang
melintas
jalan, mereka bukan sahaja melintas jalan malah membuang najis di atas
jalan dan ini adalah pencemaran Yang paling hebat di maya pada ini.
Bapa-bapa dan ibu- ibu ayam haruslah mengambil inisiatif untuk melatih
ayam-ayam agar menahan najis sewaktu melintas jalan. Bak kata pepatah,
Ayam
di jalan di lintaskan Ayam di reban mati tak makan
Karam Singh Walia is a Malaysian of Sikh origin, hence his name
"Singh"
(Remember "Rob Singh"? Singh actually means "Lion"). Anyway, Karam is
an
environmentalist. He is speaking proper, standard Malay here, so I
understand this better. What he is saying is as follows;
"As you can see, the chickens that are crossing the road, are not
merely
crossing the road. They are also crapping all over the road. This is a
great environmental disaster. The fathers and mothers of those chickens
must take the initiative to train them to hold all that crap in while
crossing the road. As the proverb goes, a chicken which crosses the
road,
is one less chicken which cannot be eaten."
d. MAHATHIR:
You know, I am tired of all this...'apa-nama' chicken bisnes....the
foreign
powers should stop intervening in our domestic affairs and just leave our
chickens alone..... if they want to...'apa nama' cross the road, they should
be allowed to cross the road... Malaysia is a democratic country,we let
our
chickens do whatever they want to do.... as long as they don't threaten
the
Malay unity and try to topple the government...and if they plan to do
so...we won't hesitate to use the ISA (Internal Security Act)...
Mahathir is our Prime Minister. He is always lashing out at the
West for meddling in Malaysias domestic affairs.
The use of the words "apa nama" is reflective of how he speaks in real
life. It can be translated to "what's this?"
e. ABDULLAH BADAWI:
Ini semua adalah khabar angin sahaja...jangan percaya khabar -
khabar angin
ini semua...biasalah ini adalah taktik pembangkang untuk memecah
belahkan
perpaduan ayam-ayam... jangan percaya... jangan percaya....
Abdullah Badawi is our current Deputy Prime Minister. He has the
reputation of being Mr. Clean. He is also seen as a "softy" by most
Malaysians. He's basically a nice, soft spoken guy. The translation of
what he is saying is as follows;
"These are all rumors only. Don't believe all these rumors. These
are
typical tactics of the opposition party to break the unity of the
chickens.
Don't believe.... Don't believe."
There you have it. Translations galore!
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