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Humor and Parody from Garnet R. Chaney....

Are you losing sleep over your Amazon stats?

Special Public Service Announcement from MySleepCenter and Garnet R. Chaney
Some people get really upset when they can't look at their morning stats. They keep careful stats on all the previous times that they suffered from stats withdrawal, and will happily give you a full chronology. In response to at least one of these early birds....

 
From: webmill_com  Aug-19 1:06 pm 
To: Robert J.  (2 of 5) 
 5352.2 in reply to 5352.1 

Robert,

Try coffee for your morning wakeup, instead of Amazon reports.....

However, don't watch the pot, because just like the Amazon reports page wont change if you keep refreshing it, a watched pot never boils!

- Garnet

Public Service Announcement

Sponsored by www.MySleepCenter.com

Some associates are known to suffer from Dyssomnias due to inability to examine their stats. Leading sleep researchers believe that irregular sleep-wake patterns, inadequate sleep hygene, and posttraumatic hypersomnia could all be caused by concern over your Amazon stats.

If late stats cause you to suffer from difficulty to get to sleep, or to stay asleep, restless legs syndrome, periodic limb movement disorder, delayed sleep phase syndrome, or advanced sleep phase syndrome, you could be suffering from a dyssomnia.

If lost credits, for items you are sure you sold, cause you to suffer from sleepwalking, sleep terrors, bruxism (teeth grinding), or enuresis, late stats could be causing you to have an undiagnosed parasomnia. You should seek advice from a qualified sleep professional. Your doctor may prescribe a sleep monitoring device for you to wear to monitor the affect of the associates program on your sleep.

Concern about associates posting announcements of free services that cost a buck or two a month could cause circadium rhythm sleep disorders such as 24 hour sleep wake syndrome.

According to Dr. William Dement, with modern sleeping medicines like Ambian, there really is no longer an excuse to suffer from chronic insomnia. However the manufacturer warns, don't take Ambian for your sleep problems, unless you can devote a full 8 hours to sleep without worrying about your Amazon stats.

For more totally free information about sleep, please visit MySleepCenter 

MySleepCenter is a proud sponsor of the National Science Foundation's Antarctic Research Base first annual Sleep Trivia contest.
 
   
  

Others suggested that we could have support groups, and also programs for the watchers of other stats, like Google Adsense.
Books for Angry People

Overcoming Anger and Irritability
by William Davies


The Anger Habit
by Carl Semmelroth


Garnet R. Chaney is a writer of parodies and commentator on social issues. He wanted us to remind you that, although laughter is the best medicine, his parodies can not replace a meeting with your physician about your health, or a physician's recommendations about your anger management therapy.

No federal monies or equipment were used in the production of this parody, no protected health information from a designated record set has been disclosed, and this site does not constitute a Data Aggregation service to any covered entity as defined in 42 CFR 164.504(e)(2)(i)(B).

Have you, or your website, been featured in a parody? We encourage you to request a reciprocal link to your site. You may also mail your comments for inclusion in our letters from readers section. Our policies regarding submitted content are disclosed here.


This page is copyrighted as a compilation by Garnet R. Chaney. Quotations from others on this page are fair use quotations from a conversation with, or about the writings of, Garnet R. Chaney. Please see links to original messages for full context. Inclusion of a person, or organization, or website, in a parody does not indicate their endorsement of Web Mill, Garnet R. Chaney, Wayne Green, or little green men on the moon.
 

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